Workplace Mental Health Blogs

The “ABCs” to Starting a Conversation With Your Boss

Illustrated graphic of two people talking

As offices re-open and business travel resumes, many employees are confronting mental health issues that may have started or grown amid the pandemic. Often, work-related stress can exacerbate these challenges, especially as people navigate a new set of hybrid work arrangements and shifting workplace expectations.   For this reason, leaders and managers must support the mental health of their workers by normalizing the topic and increasing awareness.

I’ve experienced this challenge firsthand. Earlier this year, I had a panic attack on a flight while traveling for work. It was one of my first trips after a long pause due to the pandemic, and I knew I had another trip coming in just a few days. I left my husband and daughter at home, and to top it off I was about 4 months pregnant. Thankfully, I made it through that 48-hour trip without another panic attack but was terrified of having to get back on a plane in just a few days. It felt like I was facing an impossible dilemma: should I prioritize my mental health or my job? And here’s the kicker: I work for a non-profit dedicated to reducing stigma around mental health, especially in the workplace.

As I tried to sort through my options, I started to second guess myself.  Thinking “I can totally power through this, it’s just one more trip”. It became clear that I had to take a step back, prioritize my mental health, and advocate for myself. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be present and engaged with my family, or contribute meaningfully to my work.  After a pep talk with my husband and some deep breaths, I called my manager. And thankfully, I was met with complete understanding – it was without a doubt the right decision, and I felt totally supported then and in the weeks that followed.

I’m grateful that I was able to have an open and vulnerable discussion with my boss and find such empathy and connection. However, the doubts I felt, even given the work our organization does on a daily basis, made me realize how difficult and frightening these conversations can be for employees. When it comes to normalizing mental health conversations in the workplace, leadership starts at the top. The single biggest influencer in the success of the mental wellbeing of a company is the level of engagement from senior leaders and managers.

Here are the ABCs I used to prepare for and guide the conversation:

Assess the Situation:

First, make sure you have the care and support needed to safely maintain your mental health. Then, assess the situation. Reflect on what you are experiencing, its impacts on your life, and where your needs are (and aren’t) being met. Consider a few key questions: How long have these problems been going on? What work factors exacerbate them? To what degree are these circumstances out of your control? And how could more support or solutions help? This step will help the issue to feel more manageable and indicate the best path forward.

In some cases, you may need to seek out immediate care. If you or someone you know is experiencing a serious mental health crisis, you can access support through the National Alliance on Mental Illness HelpLine.

Broaden your understanding of legal protections:

The disclosure of any disability or diagnosis is your choice. You are not obligated to disclose it, and you should consider the decision carefully. If you disclose, it’s important to understand your legal protections at the federal, state, and local level. Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and other federal non-discrimination laws, employers must provide reasonable accommodations to qualified employees with disabilities, including mental health conditions. Some of these accommodations could include Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) or other workplace policies. Additionally, Mental Health America offers resources to help employees navigate mental health in the workplace. If you do share your diagnosis with your manager or HR, it can be the starting point for finding solutions and support.

Consider your company’s culture

As you prepare for the conversation, it’s important to identify whether you feel psychologically safe in your organization’s culture. Consider these questions: Do your leaders model healthy behavior and share their own mental health or personal challenges? Do you feel supported? Is there trust and authenticity in your work relationships? You can also ask for perspective from friends, loved ones, therapists, or employee resource groups to better understand how a conversation about mental health will fit within your specific company culture.

Direct the conversation:

Once you’ve considered the questions above, start the discussion with your manager or HR. Clarity is key. Direct the conversation to be clear about the challenges you face and what changes or support you need. If possible, provide information about the existence and extent of the disability, diagnosis, or mental health concern, and how this may impact your role, as well as potential accommodations. Focusing the conversation helps managers to see why action is needed and establishes a partnership for shared solutions. This could include restructuring your job’s role or responsibilities, modifying your schedule, or taking a leave of absence.

Encourage further conversations to de-stigmatize mental health

Finding solutions will likely take more than one conversation. Open and continuous discussion ensures that you’re getting the right support. It also builds momentum to fight stigma more broadly, encourages colleagues to share their challenges, and helps your company provide a supportive environment for all employees. If we start the conversation at every company, it will represent a huge step for ending stigma and advancing mental health across our society.

Our goal should be a workplace culture of compassion, health, and wellness. Garen Staglin, co-founder of One Mind at Work, a non-profit devoted to mental health in the workplace, writes that as leaders we need to “show employees that it’s OK not to be OK.” When we accept that mental health discussions belong in the workplace, we can then “reframe mental health as a driver of collaboration, creativity, and contributions for all employees.” When we do that, both employees and organizations can thrive.